Bodie's Birthday

Today is Bodie's 4th birthday. I can't help but associate his birthday with Grace's as she was born 2-weeks later. She would have been 2 this year.

I remember taking this picture (left) shortly after Grace was born. I came home to get some more clothes and check on him. I decided to bring home one of Grace's blankets so he could get familiar with her scent.

From the very beginning Bodie was always very gentle with her. He would sniff her, but that was about it. I think he knew she was very young and fragile. Perhaps dogs have a sick sense about such things.

We used to like to lay Gracie down on her play mat in the living room. Many times Bodie would come over and sniff her feet or hands and then lie down next to her. We were worried at first he would want to play with her but he never did.

The morning Grace passed away Holly and I were kneeling next to her crib, Bodie was right there between us with his nose buried in between the slates of the crib. It was the last time we were all a family.

After she passed it was Bodie who helped us through those oh so painful weeks and months. He let us hold him tightly and shower him with tears. You could tell he knew we were in great pain yet he continued to always be there for us. Without a doubt, Bodie was our saving Grace during our darkest times.

Here's to many more years of companionship and joy, we love you Bodie!

Sisterly love

Back in college, I met Amy, who became my heart sister in the Zeta Tau Alpha Fraternity. Like many of us, we lost touch after graduation, she went on to law school in Chicago and I ended up in grad school in Reno. Luckily, through Facebook, Amy and I were able to connect again a few years ago. She was living in L.A. and working her dream job as a lawyer. I became a speech pathologist and was running a business in Sacramento. Our paths crossed for a brief visit in the Summer 2008.

Then, in 2010 I was so happy to learn that Amy was engaged and later, even more excited to learn that we were both due to have babies that year! We exchanged gifts and chatted about our hopes and dreams for our little ones. She even sent me my first baby picture frame, for our ultrasound of our little growing girl. When Grace was born in July, I shared my labor story with Amy and told her not to fear the epidural!

Amy's precious boy, Jake Ryan was born just two and a half months after Grace. A short month later, we lost our precious Grace and were completely devastated. Many of the weeks after that are distant blurry memories for me as I think the trauma was just too much to bear. In early Dec 2010, even though little Jake was not even two months old, Amy flew out to visit us for a weekend. I can't imagine how difficult it was for her to part with him for those few days, but my sister knew that I needed her. I didn't have to ask, she just knew, and she was by my side when I needed her most. Amy knew in her heart what I needed, and I guess that is the true meaning of a heart sister.

Amy and her fiancé, Mike, postponed their wedding plans to focus on baby Jake for a while. I think everyone who attended their wedding this past weekend would agree that it was worth the wait! It was a beautifully planned wedding with great attention to details that made sure all guests had a great and memorable time. For Brien and I, the best part was seeing Grace's name in their wedding program on a memorial page. Amy wrote some very touching thoughts about our dear girl and how Grace was Jake's angel baby friend.

I don't know why Grace's life had to end shortly after Jake's life began. It doesn't seem right or make any sense at all. I thought that Amy and I would be sharing baby firsts and toddler stories together, but we're not. It helps though to see Jake and how well he is doing, he was a big hit at the wedding and is really developing a unique little personality. Amy told me once a long time ago, when Jake was an infant that he often laughed and smiled in his sleep. She thought he was dreaming of butterflies or playing with Gracie. Today, Amy tells me that she sees some of Gracie's spirit in Jake and believes that they started out as angels together.

Even though Amy and I lost touch for some time, I have no doubt that we will continue to be connected now and in the future. Sharing her special time has helped give me hope for the future, which for Brien and I is not always easy. I am so blessed that through Amy, I have discovered the true meaning of a heart sister!

Blank Pages

Last July, for Grace’s first birthday, our friend Renee gave us a beautiful scrapbook filled with wonderful pictures and memories of Grace. She put so much thought, time, and effort into it and we couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful tribute to our precious angel. Renee left some of the pages blank so that we would be able to add our own memories as well. It’s taken some time, but finally, last weekend Brien and I trucked down to Hobby Lobby so I could find some materials to finish the blank pages.

I’ve never attempted any type of scrapbooking activity before so the whole idea was quite overwhelming! Hobby Lobby had probably about five isles dedicated to scrapbooking supplies so it was tough to know where to begin. Luckily, I took some pictures of the blank pages before we left to try and match up some of the colors of the pages that needed finishing. Even more overwhelming were the emotions that overcame us while looking at all of the precious baby themed scrapbooking items.

Looking through all the stickers, I found some cute yellow ducks and bath time bubbles. I turned to Brien and asked if he would like to see a bath time page in her book. He didn’t say anything but I saw the tears instantly well up in his eyes. Bath time was his favorite time with Grace and she loved to have him hold her while floating freely in the water. I immediately felt bad for bringing up the subject because I didn’t want to upset him. Later, I realized that what I felt during that moment must be what other people feel when they ask about Grace or mention something about her that may make us tear up. What people don’t know is that we really don’t mind becoming tearful and we’d rather have this happen then for people not to mention her at all. Not talking about her would be like leaving those pages blank rather than taking time to fill them with the wonderful memories that we will cherish for a lifetime.