The day that Gracie passed away I made brownies. That memory is still so clearly
imprinted in my mind. It’s one I will never forget. Such an odd thing to do, in my grief stricken fog, I just
made brownies. I had no more
feedings, no more pumping, no more diapers to change, no more checking on Grace
every couple of minutes to make sure she was comfortable, no more doctor’s
visits, and no more listening to her sweet coos. I had nothing else to do that day, so I made brownies, six
years ago today. Each year that passes, some memories seem to fade, and yet
others become even more vivid.
Fast-forward to yesterday, I had an urge to make cookies. This time was different as there were
plenty of other things I should have been doing. Instead I baked cookies with Courtney. I thought about how much Gracie would
have loved helping us bake and how she was never able to dress up for
Halloween. I remembered this
picture I took of her, probably only maybe a week before she passed. I have such a love/hate relationship
with Halloween and all of the emotions that are stirred up this time of
year. Seeing all of the
decorations and excitement of the children just reminds me even more that this
hole in my heart will never be completely filled. It also reminds me to be thankful for every day and
appreciate each day I have with my loved ones.
Today, Brien and I went to visit Gracie and brought her a
silly little dancing pumpkin. You
know, one of those little solar ones that shake in the sunlight. It was an impulse buy when I was doing
the grocery shopping today. When I
told a friend about it she replied that it sounded like something that would
make a six-year-old giggle for days!
Who doesn’t love a dancing pumpkin?! I’m sure Grace loved it and I sure hope she is dancing for
days above the clouds. Let Grace
always remind us to be thankful for those dancing pumpkins.
