Wednesday, October 21, 2015

5 Years Later

It's hard to believe it's been 5 years since Grace passed away. It seems so long ago yet the sense of loss is still so raw. It's like this empty feeling deep down inside that never seems to go away. After a while it just becomes who you are and you live with the pain.

As much as we live with the loss of Grace we also embrace the impact she had on our lives. She taught us to appreciate your loved ones and never take your time here for granted. She made me more compassionate and selfless. As my tattoo says, "Living with Grace in my heart."

We have also been blessed to meet Art and Sadie through Grace and their daughter Eva. We share a common bond that few couples can. When we met last year at Disney World it was like meeting family for the first time. They are wonderful people who we cherish and love.

As for the genetics testing her DNA is currently being studied at Baylor College of Medicine in Texas. Most recently her DNA was being studied in France and Iceland. For someone who never left Sacramento her DNA has gone all around the world. Even though more families have been added to the study there has been no link between any of us. I've come to believe her disorder was idiopathic with no known cause. Which is probably the hardest thing to live with, not being able to say this is why it happened.

As our families and lives grow we do so with Grace's presence always nearby. Sometimes we watch the Long Island Medium and wonder what Grace would say if she could communicate with us. Perhaps she'd tell us what Heaven is like and who she's met. But we also know she would say not to be sad and that one day we'll all be together again.

We love you and miss you Gracie.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Missing Our Little Angel

4 years ago today we lost our precious daughter Grace. Not a day has gone by we haven’t thought about her or missed her presence. Our lives’ still has this empty feeling without her. I don’t know if that will ever go away.

As I sit in front of her hope chest every item brings back a particular memory. Her knit caps and stuffed animals bring back memories of the hospital. Certain onesies bring back memories of when she wore them. Small items like her hairbrush or blankets have so many memories associated with them. I remember watching our first 49ers game together while she was dressed in this one.

It was a week later, on the morning of October 23rd she passed away as Holly and I knelt by her crib. I’ll never forget that rainy day and the pain we felt.

The road since has been hard. We struggled with our loss and trying to understand why for a long time. We would spend hours talking about the what-ifs only to find ourselves back where we started. At this point any answers to be found lie in the hands of the researchers studying her DNA. Maybe one day we’ll have an answer, but in the meantime it’s about remembering Grace during the 102 days she was with us.

So on Grace’s Angel Day, we remember the sweet baby who was taken from us far too soon in life. A daily reminder of how fragile and special life is.

Monday, August 26, 2013

In Full Bloom

A couple years ago I posted a blog entry The Makings of a Butterfly Garden to commemorate Grace. It took a while but eventually the garden took off this year. It's bursting from the seams and attracting lots of hummingbirds, bees and some butterflies. We're not seeing as many butterflies as we would have hoped for, but it is still a very special tribute to our daughter.

We bought a hammock a few months ago and spend time outside next to it enjoying its beauty. It's a nice place to escape to and reflect on so many memories and thoughts.