Sunday, October 23, 2016

Dancing Pumpkins

The day that Gracie passed away I made brownies.  That memory is still so clearly imprinted in my mind. It’s one I will never forget.  Such an odd thing to do, in my grief stricken fog, I just made brownies.  I had no more feedings, no more pumping, no more diapers to change, no more checking on Grace every couple of minutes to make sure she was comfortable, no more doctor’s visits, and no more listening to her sweet coos.  I had nothing else to do that day, so I made brownies, six years ago today. Each year that passes, some memories seem to fade, and yet others become even more vivid.  

Fast-forward to yesterday, I had an urge to make cookies.  This time was different as there were plenty of other things I should have been doing.  Instead I baked cookies with Courtney.  I thought about how much Gracie would have loved helping us bake and how she was never able to dress up for Halloween.  I remembered this picture I took of her, probably only maybe a week before she passed.  I have such a love/hate relationship with Halloween and all of the emotions that are stirred up this time of year.   Seeing all of the decorations and excitement of the children just reminds me even more that this hole in my heart will never be completely filled.  It also reminds me to be thankful for every day and appreciate each day I have with my loved ones. 

Today, Brien and I went to visit Gracie and brought her a silly little dancing pumpkin.  You know, one of those little solar ones that shake in the sunlight.  It was an impulse buy when I was doing the grocery shopping today.  When I told a friend about it she replied that it sounded like something that would make a six-year-old giggle for days!  Who doesn’t love a dancing pumpkin?!  I’m sure Grace loved it and I sure hope she is dancing for days above the clouds.  Let Grace always remind us to be thankful for those dancing pumpkins.