Friday, November 18, 2011

Zoo's are for Children ...and the Elderly

A few days ago Holly and I went to the San Diego Zoo. It was one of many attractions we planned to visit on our trip to San Diego.

I had a feeling it could stir emotions seeing so many kids. It's hard not to see kids a year or two old and not think about Grace. I tend to not dwell on my heartbreak but rather embrace the happiness of so many young families and kids having fun. Hearing children laugh and run around is so natural and inspirational. But even so, we can't help but imagine how much we would have enjoyed showing Grace all the animals and having that same fun. I guess we'll probably experience similar situations for the rest of our lives.

As we wandered about we found ourselves going into different gift shops looking for souvenirs. Not so much for ourselves, but for Grace's gravesite. We can't share any other life experiences with her. So all we can do is hope to find a meaningful trinket to leave at her gravesite to share our trip with her. I know that may sound irrational, but that's all we have.

Before leaving the park we visited the largest gift shop. After mulling around for a few minutes I went to sit down on a bench while Holly continued to shop. After about 10-minutes I saw Holly walk briskly past me leaving the store like I wasn't there. I immediately went outside to her and could see tears running down her face. I think the emotions of the day and our desire to find the perfect souvenir for Grace was just too much.

We both realize our actions are irrational but we're torn between our hearts and wanting to give something to her. I don't know what's going to happen. Maybe one day we'll come to terms with our loss and not do these types of things. But for now it's all we have and that false sense of sharing a token from our travels will bring a little happiness to us.

1 comment:

  1. wow...Brien...reading this makes my heart hurt and brings tears to my eyes. Your actions are not irrational...not in the least. I have heard countless others in your situation state, "You are not supposed to bury your kids."

    I cannot conceive of the depth your pain.

    I commend both you and Holly for the incredible Love you are able to experience within yourselves, and applaud your strength in recognizing that.

    I have a 1-yr old Shih-Tzu puppy named Gracie, and I love her.
    Yet, on occasion, I find myself contemplating how I will feel the day she is no long around.