My Christmas Story

It’s quiet in the house right now. Not a creature is stirring, not even a mouse. Santa is presumably circling the globe delivering presents and joy. Holly’s in bed sleeping soundly and I’m sitting in Grace’s dimly lit room writing. I find such solace being in here. It’s a special place to go and reflect.

This will probably be the first Christmas Eve where I don’t go to bed with a sense of excitement and anticipation for the morning. No, this year it’s about heartache and reflection. They say the holidays are especially hard for families who have endured the loss of a loved one. Personally, I don’t think the holidays have anything to do with it, we’d still be feeling the same way. Oh how I miss her so much. No words can express how I feel. My heart continues to ache with no end in sight. I have never cried so much in my entire life then I have over these last few months.

Even though Grace isn’t with us this Christmas we have tried to surround ourselves with her memory. We’ve printed up lots of pictures of her for around the house. We’ve adorned our Christmas tree with special ornaments in memory of her. And of course Holly and I share stories about her and the special times we shared together. Then tonight another special sign she’s still with us in spirit.

Holly and I went to a nice restaurant for dinner and on the way home we decided to go to old Sac for a horse and carriage ride. It just seemed like the perfect ending to a lovely Christmas Eve. When we arrived there was a small line of families seeking a ride as well. Holly and I stood there quietly looking off into the distance while hearing the faint rhythmic sound of horseshoes hitting the asphalt. We then heard a little boy go up to a girl sitting on a bench behind us and say “Can I sit with you Gracie?” Holly and I immediately turned to each other thinking the same thing. I could see tears well up in Holly's eyes as I strived to hold mine back. We looked behind us and saw this cute little blond girl quietly sitting there. It was like an angel telling us she's still with us. I am so grateful for these reminders. Perhaps these signs is what will bring me peace one day.

We visited Grace today and brought her a little Christmas tree. We told her how much we miss her. How much she would have loved experiencing her first Christmas with us. We will continue to celebrate Christmas with our little angel by our side. Thank you for the signs and reminding us you’re never far away. We love you Gracie.