Tired. There’s no other word to better describe the feelings of this past week. I’m tired of feeling blue. I’m tired of the rain. I’m tired of living in the fog. I’m tired of not being able to sleep. I’m tired of struggling to get up in the morning. I’m tired of asking why. There are no answers so we must choose. Either continue to be tired or rest and realize that tomorrow is a new day. I know that one day I will wake up and not be so tired.
Thus, I choose to realize those things I am not tired of and hope they will out number the things that I am. I never tire of looking at Grace’s pictures or videos. I never tire of sitting in her room and remembering many precious moments that were spent there. I never tire of remembering how much I loved changing her diaper or dressing her in a precious outfit for a new day. I never tire of seeing how, in her pictures, she was a perfect extension of us. I never tire of seeing her big blue eyes every time I look into my husband’s eyes. I never tire of hearing so many stories about how she has touched people in seemingly random ways.
So tonight I will go to sleep tired, hoping that tomorrow I will wake up just a little less tired than the day before. I know that I must continue through this process, finding a new me, and hopefully discovering some new gifts a long the way.