Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Our Rest Stop

As many of you now know, Holly and I have sold our house. It was a very difficult decision and comes with great sadness. We have so many fond memories of our house from all the remodeling we did to our wedding reception to the 4th of July parties with our neighbors, and of course all the memories with Grace.

The memories of bringing Grace home are so bright and happy. We were so proud of the nursery we created and were exciting to finally be able to use it. Those first few weeks when we thought everything was OK were great. But after her diagnosis our house became a hospital of sorts with regular visitors from hospice nurses and therapists to weekly deliveries of medical supplies. Then that dreadful rainy Saturday morning in October when she passed away while we all knelt around her crib and cried. The pain is still so deep and raw.

In the weeks and months that have passed we have maintained her room as it was on that day, sans the medical equipment and supplies. It has been a sanctuary to enter and connect with Grace. A place we could go pray and cry peacefully. To this day I always say good-morning to her as I open her blinds and good-night as I close them. I can't help but want to believe her spirit is still in her room and she can hear me and feel my presence. And for me that is probably going to be the hardest thing about moving. The thought her spirit could still be here and we're not.

I know Holly and I have come up with some ideas to bring Grace with us and keep her close to us. We have purchased a Hope chest to keep personal mementos in and we are going to put in a Butterfly Garden when we find another house. But we will never have her room again...

So over the next two weeks we're going to start packing up our house and moving things into storage. Unfortunately, we haven't been able to find another house yet to buy, so we're going to stay at a friends house in the meantime. I know going through her belonging and packing them up is going to be very emotional for us. Especially since next week would have been her 1st Birthday. We have already been feeling the effects of that pending date.

As much as it pains us to move I think in the long run it'll help with the healing. By not walking by her room everyday and having that constant reminder of our loss will help us heal. We will never forget Grace, but maybe living somewhere else will help ease the pain.

1 comment:

  1. My heart aches for you and Holly, and all you've gone through with the loss of Grace. Grace's spirit will always be with you, no matter where you are or where you live. A butterfly garden in your new house will be a beautiful reminder and tribute to your precious daughter. My thoughts will be with you on July 13th, as angel Grace celebrates her first year birthday in heaven. I like to think that my Father, who was also born on July 13 is there looking after her. Two very special angels. Good luck in your search for a new home.