Christmas Angels

Tonight Holly and I went out to dinner, our Christmas Eve tradition. During dinner we reflected on this last year…and what a year it’s been. Aside from the loss of Grace we have endured so many challenges this year. I don’t know where we’ve found the strength to survive everything.

At this time last year Grace had been gone for 2-months. We were kind of just going through the motions of Christmas with very little to look forward to. Life just seemed so pointless at the time. I guess it’s like this for everyone who has suffered the loss of a child. You find yourself asking why. Why you, why your child, why why why…

I remember a few days after Grace passed away talking to my dad and step-mom, both are in their mid 60’s, and neither had ever known anyone who had lost a child. Yet this year it seems like that’s all I’ve met, other parents who have lost a child. Some through our bereavement support group but others in unlikely places. It’s like I have a scarlet letter on my forehead. I have spent time getting to know all of these people and we all share so many similarities. No matter how old their child was when they died, we all feel the same empty void in our hearts. It’s almost a physical pain that doesn’t go away.

There seems to be two different ways people go on. There are those who let the pain consume them and eat at them with no end in sight. They can never come to terms with their loss. And then there are those who look to fill the empty void with some sense of fulfillment. For many it’s helping others in the name of their lost loved one. Clearly this is the road Holly and I have taken. We strive to help others in hopes of finding some satisfaction to help fill that void. In all honestly, I don’t feel any better. But I know I’m helping someone else who is in need, so for that I’m grateful.

The one thing we all have in common is in keeping the memory of our lost children alive. So on this Christmas Eve, I want all the Christmas Angels to know how much their families still love them and miss them. You may not be with us on Christmas morning, but you’re in our hearts always.