The Road Back to Motherhood

I know…I know I AM a mom…I am Gracie’s mom and I always will have that joy.  However, on this Mother’s day I do long for the days when I was actively taking care of my little girl.  No one can really know how I feel, that is no one but Sadie.  My dear friend also lost her little angel to the same dreadful disorder that Grace had.  Our stories are so similar and the resemblance is highly uncanny. 

Sadie and Eva

Grace was born in July 2010 and Eva in August 2010.  They both left this Earth entirely too soon.  At the time, little did we know that we were both going through the same types of struggles.  Sometime after Grace passed, Sadie found our blog and emailed us.  For that, I am eternally grateful to her.  Through Sadie we discovered the Manton Center for Orphan Diseases in Boston.  Eva’s DNA was already enrolled in the study and later we were able to get Grace’s DNA enrolled in the same study.  Right now the researchers are working on comparing Grace and Eva’s DNA samples and we are hopeful that with our girls working together we just might find some answers.  In the meantime, Sadie and I have both taken on the road to motherhood once again.  Although this time our stories are much different, I am hopeful that we will continue together down a similar road.  You see, Sadie is the type of gal you can just call up anytime and she’s there for you.  She’s ready to stop by and have coffee or a glass of wine with you.  I only wish the distance in miles didn’t keep us apart. 

Sadie is pregnant again and due in July.  Recently she told me, “It’s scary when you feel yourself falling in love again knowing what could happen but it’s impossible not to love.  I mean that’s why we learned to breathe again after our girls passed, isn’t it?  It’s because our love is so strong for them.”  Those words took my breath away.  Sadie is savoring every moment of her pregnancy and enjoying every day she has with her little boy.  The both of us know all too well that everything can change in an instant, and we have to be grateful for what we have today….in this moment.  I feel in my heart that Sadie is meant to be a mom again and every day that passes I grow more and more excited for her, knowing that she will soon be enjoying her new baby boy! 

Holly and Grace

For Brien and I, we hope that taking the road to adoption will lead us to the family that we so desire which includes another child.  Right now though, I am thankful for the family we have in the moment.  We have been blessed to have Brien’s daughter Brendle move in with us recently.  She is not a child anymore, and we have been amazed to see what a responsible and intelligent young woman she has become.  I love her just as my own child and am proud to be her step-mom!

Happy Mother’s Day to all and, may your day be filled with Grace!